Thursday, April 8, 2010

Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!

10 more days and then I will be DONE with this cannot end quick enough...

Thankfully my anatomy lab was finished on monday!! ::throws confetti:: I have no idea what I got on the final, but I could not care less! I'm going to pass and that's good enough for me at this point. I never knew the purpose of that class anyway...No more looking at dead bodies!! My dad told me that this experience of taking anatomy was just so that I would know that nothing will ever be as hard as that class was, lol. He said I should use it as a comparison for everything difficult that happens in my life: "Well, this isn't as bad as that anatomy class."

Since I'm not going home from Spring/Summer, finding a job is getting *really* important, not like it wasn't important before, but now if I don't have a job in two weeks I am literally going to have NOTHING to do...cause I'm not taking classes or anything. I had a dream last night that I got one of the many jobs I applied for and I was so happy and relieved and when I woke up I wanted to start crying cause I realized it had just been a dream. It didn't help that my parents were out here just these past two weeks and there's nothing to make you feel more like a failure than having your parents see if first-hand. My dad particularly doesn't understand why I don't have more ambition in my life, why I don't aspire to anything. Truthfully he's right, at the moment there is nothing I'm really working towards, except graduation, but what comes after that? Grad school I guess, but I haven't looked into anything for grad school and frankly, with the way my bank account looks right now, I don't want to even think about how much that's going to cost. I love my major, but I'm not doing as well grade-wise as I should be and it's making me frustrated with my life choices. Ugh, but who *isn't* frustrated with their life choices when they're 23?

Of course I've been frustrated with my life choices since I was 16.

On top of all this, I miss my family :( This will be the longest I've gone without going home. Even my mission lasted only 6 months, but if I don't visit home until the end of august it'll be 8 months. I should probably just grow up and get over it, but it's hard not to be there where all my nieces are growing up and my brothers and sisters are living their lives. It is wonderful to have Matt out here, but it's never the same.

There are a lot of bright points in my life right now, though. My friends are just amazing. It's finally reached the divide where I have more friends out here in Utah than in Virginia and that will make it easier to stay out here for Spring/Summer. Just yesterday my friend Katie invited me over for a "Jam Party" at her house and we made homemade bread and jam (random much?). It sounds weird, but we had lots of fun and I'm so glad that she's going to be here over the summer. My roommate Sara is also staying, which is a big relief that I'll still have someone I know in my apartment. Kristen, another friend from class, has her baby due in about 2 months and Katie and I are *so* excited to babysit, lol. And there's always lots of good friends in my classes since all my classes have the same people :p And there's even more friends!! Amy, Ashley, Mariah, Hsin-Ping...great, amazing people who put up with me :p It should be a fun summer, I hope!

And of course there's always video-making, lol, which really occupies my life ;) I'm trying to branch into new things but it's time consuming, we'll have to see how long my patience holds out. At the moment I've vidded these fandoms: Robin Hood, Merlin, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Alice, Spooks, Alias and The Young Victoria. And right now I have a Firefly/Serenity video in the works along with two Legend of the Seeker videos. We'll see if I get any of them done. The most tedious step for me is getting the clips, whether it's ripping them from my DVD's or downloading them...I just have no patience, lol. And of course whenever I am working on a video I feel lazy cause that means I'm not looking for a job, but there's only so many applications you can send in, ugh...I'm just no good at bragging about myself. My grandma says that's why i don't have a job yet: I don't beef up my resume enough or "lie" about my abilities. blah.

In an effort to leave you on a lighter note, here's my latest vid (and my first attempt at vidding The Young Victoria). If you haven't seen this movie yet, I strongly recommend it! Just a beautiful love story!


  1. Haha, so now you admit that you're working on LotS :p! How was that about having no clips? ;D
    Good luck with these applications, I *SO* hope you'll get a good job :)

  2. Liisa, I'm so sorry you're having trouble finding a job. I hate job hunting: it's exhausting and often degrading. I hope you find something soon! Let me know if you want help w/ your resume. We did some job search writing in a couple of my English classes in college.

  3. omg, this was kinda sad... :( especially about the part about your parents seeing your a failure firsthand, I would bet any amount of money that that isn't true.. It seems to me that you are doing great in collage! , when I get there, I pray to be able to get through it like you. I understand the need for a job, I need one as well, almost 19 and noo car ;( lol And I am glad that you have friends to cheer you up!! That jam party sounded amazing!! lol good luck with finding a job :D